Hot and Cold

I get these hot flashes – ladies of a certain

age will know what I mean – when blood

sings through my body like molten copper

and I must rip off all my clothes

        !! immediately !!

or die. Which is a problem

in the supermarket.

It can also unexpectedly be a problem

at 2am when I awake on fire,

totally tangled in flannel pants

a sweatshirt

a zippered hoodie

a bathrobe

two blankets

and a cat.

Because I get these cold flashes – those same

ladies will know what I mean – where blood

crackles through my body like iced saltwater

and I must pile on all the clothes I own

        !! immediately !!

or die. It’s awkward, this temperature swing,

from one extreme to another, barely pausing

in the temperate zone. Exhausting.

Sometimes embarrassing. Wardrobe challenging.

In the same way grief burns and freezes me in turn.

Exhausting and embarrassing to peel off or pile on

layers of myself, almost without pause.

Looking for the sweet spot.

That temperate emotional state.

And not quite finding it --

Yet.